(Note: Today, I began writing about Surrender, only to find a piece I had written a couple of years ago, expressing my almost identical feelings about the same topic. And so this post is both a mix of my feelings then and now.)
Surrender. It seems to be a word that gets thrown around a lot. And I can’t say that I was ever very fond of it because I used to associate it with giving up. And I don’t like the idea of giving up a whole lot because it implies that I feel defeated or without strength.
But I have to be honest, these last few months have been all about Surrender for me and learning what it really means. Have I been in pain? Yeah, sometimes. Have I found all the reasons why things happen the way they do? No. I’m learning that for all the awareness we may have as people walking a ‘spiritual’ path, we may never know the reasons why some things are the way they are. Sure it can be helpful to see the blessings within our experiences, even search for them if we need to, but maybe the greatest peace comes from just accepting that life can be inexplicably mysterious and uncertain? I’m guessing that those who proclaim to have all the answers are probably the ones who….well, they are the ones who I am most weary of because it’s not being REAL. How can it be when we are always learning and growing? If we knew everything I believe we wouldn’t be living as human beings!
I like to pretend sometimes that I’m completely with Divine Timing. But let’s face it, we all like to feel some kind of control and, of course, I have my fragile moments when I find myself clinging to every detail because I ‘just want things to be perfect’. As I lay awake late last night, wondering why my upcoming travel plans have been unusually confusing and unsettling, and arguing with my decision to re-schedule the flights for later in the year, I made the conscious choice to Surrender my thought of what should happen and to trust that the situation is being taken care of for the highest good. And this morning, I received an ‘out of the blue’ call from my pianist asking me if I’d like to sing with her at a ‘disability awareness’ event in London on 8th September – a special opportunity that I would not be able to say yes to if I was sticking to my original itinerary! A sign? I think so!
So Surrender doesn’t mean giving up. It just means that sometimes, ‘doing’ is not necessary and that letting go is then the only thing left if we want to find some relief. Knowing that God/the Angels/the Universe are working behind the scenes for me (and everyone) is so comforting. It might take me a few minutes, hours or even days to get back to that place of trust but I am so grateful to live a life where I know that they are there to help me! It doesn’t mean life is without challenges but it does mean that it’s possible to find ways to deal with them and move forward as best I can. I’ve had enough moments in my life (like the one today) to realize that, far from being defeated, Surrendering and saying ‘I don’t know what to do. I hand it over’ fills me with a strength to continue on and allow miraculous outcomes to appear! And that has got to be worth learning, hasn’t it?!
With my love,