It’s been an intense few days, I must admit. I’ve not slept very well, because my body has been less than comfortable and the not sleeping has only added to my uncomfortableness. Throw in some nausea and well, you get the picture!
I’ve dealt with various physical challenges and illnesses through my life, and while I am well now, people often assume I must be ‘good at dealing with pain’. I would disagree. I am not good with it at all and quite frankly, don’t want to be. Because it’s not who I am.
However, I have realized that ‘fighting’ my body doesn’t work either. There are a million different ‘why’s’ and ‘how comes’ that I’ve asked myself over the years and the reasons may be apparent sometimes, but not always. When this is the case, whether it be a physical or emotional challenge, it can become easy to slip into ‘why me?’ but that doesn’t work either. That’s victim-hood and serves no one. That is saying ‘I am the pain. The pain is me.‘ The truth is, life happens and if I take a look around, I am humbly aware that each one of us goes through struggles. Hand on my heart, most days I consider myself incredibly blessed.
And so, in times of pain or difficulty, I do my best to ask myself what I can do, what I do have control over, because no matter the circumstances, I can decide how I react. And anyone who knows me well, knows that sometimes my reactions are downright ugly! Ha! However, after talking to some dear friends of mine today, I realized that the heaviest weight we can all carry about our circumstances is guilt. The kind that lurks in background and says:
‘I should know better!’ ‘I’ve done so much to help myself, what am I missing?’ ‘I am obviously doing something wrong to still be dealing with this!’ ‘I’m clearly not as spiritual as them if i am dealing with this.’
Believe it or not, I once had a so-called friend tell me that until I was free of my wheelchair and walking like everyone else, I would not be in my power! Needless to say, I was not the one who had forgotten her power and our friendship was never the same after that!
Anyway, I digress. Those questions are another form of victimhood and fear. So how ever much we’ve been taught to analyse ourselves, how much good do these lurking thoughts actually do us, other than to further beat ourselves up? None! How much energy could we save by turning our attention away from trying to figure things out and focusing on what nurtures us? A lot! And how much do we believe that we have to suffer to grow or to teach others? How much do we believe that we are so used to suffering that is just part of what we have to deal with? Perhaps far more than we realize…
So today I made the decision to let go. To let go again. Because I can. To interrupt the patterns that keep me bound in my experience and say ‘I exchange all pain for peace’.
Mother Mary and the Angels who so lovingly encircle themselves around me, reminded me of the power of those words and so I share them with you, too. And if you are still in pain, that’s OK. I will not proclaim to feel 100% great either. But I do feel more at peace with whatever is happening and that makes all the difference in the world because it gives me hope and that means anything is possible! Woohoo! I believe in miracles!
I love you and all your challenges. But I see beyond them. I see you. And I choose to see myself in the same light.