My Body and Me

If you been reading my blog recently, you’ll know that I’ve been in a reflective mood about my body. It’s been snowing here the last few days and I am barely able to leave the house so perhaps that has something to do with it. Added to that, this seems to be the year to go right to the core of our issues and Self Love is almost always it. Yes, I know. It’s a HUGE topic and we are all on our own journey with it, right?

So, I have decided to share something I wrote on my personal Facebook page today with YOU. Not for compliments or sympathy but because it is my truth and I am nothing if not truthful:

‘My body has always given me plenty of reasons not to love it. It has caused me pain, stopped me doing things, kept me still when all I wanted to do was run and dance, made me sick for years, made me different from the rest, been the object of so much staring (and not nearly enough of the ‘I want you’ kind) because most cannot see past it. Even some who I thought did, proved otherwise with their comments. But I know it’s time to love it anyway. To radically change the way I feel. Otherwise, I’ll just get more of the same. And my body is pretty cool in it’s miraculous ability to survive and move against the odds, and in it’s huge resilience, strength and ability to adapt to all kinds of changes. I wouldn’t be here without it, either! So I’m going to cut it some slack and stop letting it be the reason I decide I am not enough, or too much or just somewhere in the blah of mediocre. I’m going to send love to my wonky spine and legs and brain – all the parts that drive me crazy – and see what happens. Because I think I’m a really good person and there’s no need to separate my physicality from that, is there? So hey, body, if you’re with me so that we can wake people up to what’s REAL as we go along, then great! I’m on a mission and I know we’re in this together. And I choose to love you. ♥’

As I posted this to my page I read an email from Mastin Kipp on The Daily Love. An amazingly honest blog by an amazing man (check it out at www.thedailylove.com) where he pretty much shared the same feelings, except he explains that his reason not to love himself is his weight. Which just goes to show that while our circumstances may be different, our Self Love (or lack of it) and the way it impacts our lives is Universal.  And the ironic thing is, that means that while we may spend our days comparing our selves, we are not so different from eachother after all, huh?

In fact, I absolutely know that the majority of us have hundreds of excuses not to love ourselves and I also know that in the eyes of the Divine absolutely none of them make any sense. How does our shape, size, movement make us less than anyone else? They do not. It’s the biggest lie we’ll ever believe. And I’m ready to let go of the lie. Are you with me?

Much love to you, to me and everyBODY.

Anna

Exchanging Pain for Peace

It’s been an intense few days, I must admit. I’ve not slept very well, because my body has been less than comfortable and the not sleeping has only added to my uncomfortableness. Throw in some nausea and well, you get the picture!

I’ve dealt with various physical challenges and illnesses through my life, and while I am well now, people often assume I must be ‘good at dealing with pain’. I would disagree. I am not good with it at all and quite frankly, don’t want to be. Because it’s not who I am.

However, I have realized that ‘fighting’ my body doesn’t work either. There are a million different ‘why’s’ and ‘how comes’ that I’ve asked myself over the years and the reasons may be apparent sometimes, but not always. When this is the case, whether it be a physical or emotional challenge, it can become easy to slip into  ‘why me?’ but that doesn’t work either. That’s victim-hood and serves no one. That is saying ‘I am the pain. The pain is me.‘ The truth is, life happens and if I take a look around, I am humbly aware that each one of us goes through struggles. Hand on my heart, most days I consider myself incredibly blessed.

And so, in times of pain or difficulty, I do my best to ask myself what I can do, what I do have control over, because no matter the circumstances, I can decide how I react. And anyone who knows me well, knows that sometimes my reactions are downright ugly! Ha! However, after talking to some dear friends of mine today,  I realized that the heaviest weight we can all carry about our circumstances is guilt. The kind that lurks in background and says:

‘I should know better!’ ‘I’ve done so much to help myself, what am I missing?’ ‘I am obviously doing something wrong to still be dealing with this!’ ‘I’m clearly not as spiritual as them if i am dealing with this.’ 

Believe it or not, I once had a so-called friend tell me that until I was free of my wheelchair and walking like everyone else, I would not be in my power! Needless to say, I was not the one who had forgotten her power and our friendship was never the same after that!

Anyway, I digress. Those questions are another form of victimhood and fear. So how ever much we’ve been taught to analyse ourselves, how much good do these lurking thoughts actually do us, other than to further beat ourselves up? None! How much energy could we save by turning our attention away from trying to figure things out and focusing on what nurtures us? A lot! And how much do we believe that we have to suffer to grow or to teach others? How much do we believe that we are so used to suffering that is just part of what we have to deal with? Perhaps far more than we realize…

So today I made the decision to let go. To let go again. Because I can. To interrupt the patterns that keep me bound in my experience and say ‘I exchange all pain for peace’.

Mother Mary and the Angels who so lovingly encircle themselves around me, reminded me of the power of those words and so I share them with you, too. And if you are still in pain, that’s OK. I will not proclaim to feel 100% great either. But I do feel more at peace with whatever is happening and that makes all the difference in the world because it gives me hope and that means anything is possible! Woohoo! I believe in miracles!

I love you and all your challenges. But I see beyond them. I see you. And I choose to see myself in the same light.

Anna